Re-invention

I am constantly re-inventing myself, and it makes me wonder if I’ll ever totally find who I am/who I want to be, or if it will be a constantly changing idea. Does everyone experience this type of thing? I have friends who seem so concretely sure of who they are. They are like beautiful little rocks. They seem to know who they are, what they like, and they stand next to those aspects of themselves with steadfast clarity.

Then there’s me, sitting over there, constantly getting rid of/re-wearing clothes, trying to act differently, be different, to see what honestly reflects who I am. Unfortunately, who I am right now and who I want to be are two different women, and I’m not sure how to bridge that gap. If I try to act more how I wish I was rather than who I truly am, does that make me a hypocrite, or am I just learning and slowly making this acting more of a reality?

This brings me to aesthetics. I am perfectly aware that appearance isn’t everything. That being said, the way I dress is one of my absolute favorite ways to express myself. My outfit definitely affects my confidence level, which is why despite what I might put off, I usually think these things through pretty thoroughly. There are several online communities (and some in real life) who all dress/present themselves with the same type of aesthetic, and I want to belong to one of them. Somewhere. But I’m not sure exactly where I fit in there, either.

The other problem is, I’ll become really attracted to a certain kind of aesthetic, and identify heavily with it for a few months or even just a few weeks, but then it’s like I’ve pressed the refresh button and I’m suddenly off on a different path.

The main thing I wonder is what I asked earlier in this post: does everyone experience this? Or is my life just…overly-transitional? 

There’s a reason for all this.

Today was my first day of a communications class I’m taking this semester called Transnational Activism and New Media. WordPress is one of the platforms we’re going to be using a lot in the class. While there’s an account made specifically for the class itself by our professor, I figured I should try to give real and regular blogging a shot.

I have a tumblr. Anyone who really uses tumblr knows that 90% of what is done on tumblr is not blogging in any real traditional sense of the word. You mostly “reblog” posts from other, which are also mostly photos. Tumblr is a great way to socialize, share random thoughts, and definitely a nice way to get a few laughs (there are a surprising amount of amusing people there). Tumblr is also a great platform for activism: the reblog feature makes it very easy for activism idea posts to be spread around.

However, I’m a writer at heart (thus the lame title I picked for this blog which I’m probably just going to change later tonight, or a least later this week, we’ll see). I want to actually have a blog where I can share and write down my legitimate, sometimes scholarly (but maybe not) ideas and thoughts. The chances of anyone really reading this are slim to none, but still. I have a handwritten journal that I keep up regularly, but that’s mostly for the private, often lame, angst-ridden schoolgirl problems I will admit that I have, despite the fact that I try not to exhibit that side of myself in public very often

I’ll do an about me post in a little while in case the one random dust bunny floating around out there is reading this and wants to know what kind of person I am.