R&R

Left school for the weekend despite being invited to things, events happening, and having work to do, I needed to get away from it all for a little bit. I was doing fine, even considering telling my parents “sorry, I’ll have to come home another time” because of everything that was going on, but then on Thursday I just started feeling…ill.  

I hate that since my life has gotten to the ideal place that I’ve wanted it to be in for awhile, yet I can’t seem to handle it. I have a lot of different friends, I’m an editor on the school paper, and literally just landed my ideal part time job working on an actual, real newspaper. My weight could be better, but I’ve been getting a lot of positive attention for my looks lately, which is definitely weird. I am not at all used to getting compliments based solely on my appearance from strangers. In fact, it pretty much never happened until I got back to college three weeks ago.

This is such an in-between place in life, even more so than high school, I think. In high school you’re still a kid, for the most part you kind of know what your next step will be, and you still live under someone else’s control. In college/around college age (at least for myself and many other people I know), you’re caught in a strange place. You still identify with teenagers and teen culture, you’re not totally financially independent but you’re almost…transitioning into it. You’re in a learning environment, yet many professors will treat you more like an equal than a kid they’re babysitting. You start looking for real jobs, wondering about your career, wondering about if casual dating could become a serious relationship, or maybe not.

It is kind of overwhelming. I’m an adult. I can vote, I do not live with my parents, I have a real job in a real office. Yet I still go to school. I still only can work part-time because of school, so I’m still dependent on my parents financially, yet I no longer have to follow their rules or constantly try to meet their expectations. 

I wonder where I’m going.

Big Apple/Big Goals

The lack of posts between Yuma and here are due to the fact that I had barely 48 hours to get back to my campus and get all my things together before I had to leave for New York for the CMA spring college media convention, which has been quite a time.

There’s been a lot of turmoil within our visiting staff (cramming sightseeing and Times Square plus two full conference days into such a short amount of time takes its toll), but personally I’m taking a lot away from the experience. Everyone is tired and frustrated while trying to sightsee; I myself am feeling okay (and not interested in seeing the sights; this is far from my first time here so I’ve seen Manhattan over and out a couple times now), but maybe it’s because I already had my crazy existential crisis earlier this morning, which include a mix of both “I’m starving and tired and wtf,” and the terrifying “dear god I’m never going to make a career out of this there’s too much competition why am I not a math genius or something.” But I digress.

I got to see Scott Pelley (CBS News), learn about what I might want to do after college, take a tour of the Huffington Post offices and headquarters, which I think was the most inspiring and fun thing I did, because it made me realize that HuffPost is the kind of company I want to work for in a few years: great writers and editors, but laid back and a great center of creativity. A lot more my speed than the fast-paced, stressful, 24/7 news jobs I had thought I wanted, until I learned what goes into them.

Which brings me to what I really want to say: I am going to start a new blog, probably this weekend while I have some free time to get things going. I need a blog that will attract attention, readership, and get me noticed as a HerCampus blogger or even a HuffPost blog contributor someday. I know it won’t happen right away (or anytime soon, really) but I’m eager to start working my way up to that level. 

Here’s the thing: I need to narrow down my blogging to a niche. I love this blog; this blog is great writing practice and helps me hone my style, which I think I’ve gotten down pretty well but could always develop. Having a distinct narrative is really important, so mine is always developing. But since this is my personal, whatever-I-feel-like-at-the-time blog, it’s not as specifically centered as I’d want my other blog to be. This blog is for fun, not for gaining any following. Not to say I don’t LOVE the people who follow me and reading their work, because I’m extremely flattered you guys find me interesting. Again, I digress.

My question to ANYONE reading this: what should I blog about? I’ve heard to make a list of hobbies/things you love or are good at, and here’s the shortlist:

Things I’m good at:
-Writing
-Dressing cute on a budget
-Eating (a little too good at that one)

Things I love:
-News
-Fashion/Style (mine’s kind of unique)
-Food (obviously)
-Social networking
Giving advice (to some extent)
-Books and reading

I know it seems vague now, so if anyone can help me get specific I would love that. Please help, really. Comment or email me! It would be much appreciated.

Generic Coffee Shop Blog Post

I have nothing better to do with my lazy Sunday night then sit in the coffee shop and people watch.

Nothing of relevance happened this week to post about, really. I turned 19. Not to sound cynical, but big whoop. It’s no more or less exciting being 19 than it is 18. I didn’t magically become a little older, a little more beautiful. I did the same BS as I do every other day, every other week. Overate, drove erratically, spent way too much money, cried, procrastinated on homework but managed to get it done by the end of the weekend. Skipped a little more class than usual because of a small mental breakdown on Wednesday night. Regular college stuff, really.

Honestly, I am such a lame-o, generic hipster right now, it is killing me. I’m sitting in a college coffee shop, blogging about my goddamn week as a white girl at a private school on a macbook air, with my lame Ray-ban glasses (which are prescription, thanks for asking; I’d be close to legally blind without these) and my lame hipster canvas backpack with handmade heart pins that say things like “nope” and “babe,” and “just stop,” wearing an outfit that’s entirely thrifted, aside from my shoes, which are TOMS.

If you look at me, I’m scowling the generic hipster mad-about-life, everyone-is-lame-but-me scowl. However, this scowl is not for those reasons. It is for these reasons:

1. It is my natural expression because I have chronic Brooklyn Bitchface. It’s in my genes. Thanks, dad.

2. I am not displeased with the world so much as just myself, and I am definitely the lamest person in this room. It’s super contradictory: I like myself right now, but also I really effing hate myself because good god, I am everything I wanted to be in high school. And that’s gross.

I look so insanely lame I almost can’t even handle it. Yet I continue to sit here and write this like the boring hipster teenager I am because I should be doing better and more interesting things, but I’m not. I could be reading a good book, or actually ordering a goddamn coffee, or watching the movie the rest of my friends are watching. However, I had homework to do, so I skipped the movie and finished a paper in the library (so lame, I am so lame), and now I’m just killing time by looking like an ass in public, texting my boyfriend, and listening to Iron and Wine. Yippee.

What will I do tomorrow? Will I somehow suck less? I’m not sure.

This is what I do know: don’t judge the generic hipster bitch in the coffee shop by her external scowl and weird shoes. She is actually probably a really interesting person under that thick outer layer of nonchalance. She probably really wants to make new friends but is bad at talking to people out of the blue in public places. She knows you’re looking at her with either admiration (because sadly, just like high school Sarah, there are people who want to look like I do now) or disgust because of the stereotype she’s exuding. But she’s not all bad. She has valid opinions, she likes her bagels a certain way, she still knocks on wood when she’s afraid of bad luck, and she’s quietly playing Clash of Clans with her boyfriend while nobody’s looking.

She may look unapproachable, but she’s trying to fix that, too.