Back in black

Dear Followers,

I am honestly, truly, completely shocked that 66 of you have stuck around this whole time despite my inactivity. I truly appreciate it because I definitely want to get back into blogging, hopefully to slowly get down a path towards being able to write freelance after college until I can land a job at a respectable publication. Probably will post a lot of feminist rants and photos and things. May or may not lose a few of you along the way. We’ll have to see.

I could write a “what’s new with me” list, but what’s the point, really? You guys don’t care that I got a job at a real newspaper where I live (a name I’ll withhold for the time being), got a promotion to layout editor at my school’s paper, or that I’m back in black because, as the great and inspiring Jim Gaffigan once said, “I’m wearing black because it’s easier than working out.”

R&R

Left school for the weekend despite being invited to things, events happening, and having work to do, I needed to get away from it all for a little bit. I was doing fine, even considering telling my parents “sorry, I’ll have to come home another time” because of everything that was going on, but then on Thursday I just started feeling…ill.  

I hate that since my life has gotten to the ideal place that I’ve wanted it to be in for awhile, yet I can’t seem to handle it. I have a lot of different friends, I’m an editor on the school paper, and literally just landed my ideal part time job working on an actual, real newspaper. My weight could be better, but I’ve been getting a lot of positive attention for my looks lately, which is definitely weird. I am not at all used to getting compliments based solely on my appearance from strangers. In fact, it pretty much never happened until I got back to college three weeks ago.

This is such an in-between place in life, even more so than high school, I think. In high school you’re still a kid, for the most part you kind of know what your next step will be, and you still live under someone else’s control. In college/around college age (at least for myself and many other people I know), you’re caught in a strange place. You still identify with teenagers and teen culture, you’re not totally financially independent but you’re almost…transitioning into it. You’re in a learning environment, yet many professors will treat you more like an equal than a kid they’re babysitting. You start looking for real jobs, wondering about your career, wondering about if casual dating could become a serious relationship, or maybe not.

It is kind of overwhelming. I’m an adult. I can vote, I do not live with my parents, I have a real job in a real office. Yet I still go to school. I still only can work part-time because of school, so I’m still dependent on my parents financially, yet I no longer have to follow their rules or constantly try to meet their expectations. 

I wonder where I’m going.

Welcome Back, Sarah

For anyone here on wordpress who still follows me, I suppose you’ve noticed that I haven’t posted in several months.

It’s really my fault entirely, I could say “I was busy” and whatnot but honestly it was more like “I’m uninspired despite the fact that interesting things are happening to me” and “I’m going through a body image crisis that’s going to last a couple months which will have repercussions that last for a solidly long time.” 

I seriously hope you all haven’t abandoned me. I’m going to be posting a lot more now.

Cross my heart.

xx

In-Between

I am in such an in-between stage in my life, it’s so strange. Now that my second semester of college is ending, I’m kind of..finished, mentally. I will continue to do all my work and such, but I suppose I’m just sort of..finished.

The way time is passing along, it will be next semester in no time. We’re already picking classes out, I already have a new roommate and room for next year (such an upgrade from my current room, so that’s nice). I just have this weird, anticipatory feeling in my chest that I can’t seem to shake. It’s the feeling of want. I want so many things, and it’s bothering me, because I don’t want to want them.

I want to move on to new classes.

I want to start looking for summer jobs.

I want to expand my friendships.

I want to move into my new room with Aaliyah.

I want to lose the 20 pounds I gained over the past six months (so badly).

I want to have graduated college already and move on.

I want to write something that will get me noticed.

I want to move up in the world.

I want to constantly buy thrifted clothes even though that’s not financially feasible.

I want Alex by my side (so, so badly).

Alex is something I struggle with wanting more than anything else. Sometimes, I feel like I’m the only person who is wishing really badly for another person to be by their side in the middle of the night, but I know I’m not. One visit to tumblr will reveal a whole ocean of people whose other halves or broken ends are floating around out there in other beds.

He’s my biggest in-between of all: we’re so far but so close, and my life seems to be marked off by the days we’re together, and measured by the thin tape that spreads slowly over months that we’re apart. I’ve lost the words on how to make him real when he’s not here.

Wild Ride

I’m here blogging at the Marine Corps Air Station in Yuma, Arizona, waiting for my boyfriend to get off of work. As you’ve probably noticed, I haven’t blogged in quite a few days because I’ve been enjoying my spring break with my lovely man, Lance Corporal McTaggart over here in Arizona. We went to the Grand Canyon. I’ll post pictures later.

There’s been a lot of driving, some great views, and no internet access for the past four days and I’ve had a great time. Since not touching my computer since Saturday night, I have sat down here at the MCAS PX food court to find 14 facebook notifications, 4 missed messages, and a whopping 42 emails that I am very hesitant to check. Eep. I fly back out of Phoenix tomorrow, and after a sad red-eye flight, have a day to recover before slamming a whole week of school into two days before I leave for New York around 5 am Wednesday morning. Again, eep.

I want to avoid sounding the part of the whiny girlfriend, but I already miss my boyfriend. A lot. I don’t know when I’ll see him again, and that scares me a little bit, even though I know it will just be a few months. I’m going to try and plan a visit for the beginning of June. Planning our visits makes me feel better because then I know it won’t be too long until we’re together. I don’t care where we go, I’m just happy to be with him. I’ve been alone the past four hours and I already miss him like crazy, and I’m going to see him later this afternoon. I am a weirdo.

I’ll post more nice creative travel-related things in a few days, and then there will be probably be a few posts about/during New York because I won’t be turning my technology off for a few days of snuggles like this week.

Au revoir.